Even I feel happy everday with Joshua.
Sometimes I do feel lonley...
feel very lonely to make decision.
Shall he go and take X=rays.
Shall I try to borrow $s to let him get into private school who he can get along with the normal kids.
or..... stay in that autism school?
I feel so lonely to make decision.
Shall we stay where we live here or move there?
I feel so lonley to make decision.
Where shall we go....
I know I am not always lonely, because I have Joshua to sleep with me everday.
But always always I have to make a sharp decision.
about class he going.
about school we enter.
about place we stay.
Sometimes I hatemyself...
its not a difficult situation. why i can't choose and can't make decision?
well, no one will give me a good suggestion.
because I am the only one who take this responsibility.
For Joshua's natural father? stingy guy...... fuck off my life... as what he told to me...
shit.
I need help to let him into normal school... I want him to be the normal as other kids....
will this appear?
What is God giving me?
I can't do this why he giving me this?
Why I feel so happy and brave when I seeing other mothers?
I am happier and more satisfier with my life when seeing other autistic mothers.
What can I do for them? for me?
I wish i am the angel who can help me to make this boring decisions.
I wish i am the angel who can fly fly up and leave this earth with this real world.
I wish i am the angel who can not only help myself, but also other people...
I am not the angel... right?
I am the fatty mom.... geeze....
eating too much white rice.....
I shall eat some healty non-oil, non-fatty food, right....
what am i saying today?
I pray to God, pray to god give me streght, give me power to make a decion, and goforward what I think it is right and it is good for Joshua...
decision decision and decision...
i hope he doesn't need to take X=ray.
Pray pray pray....
全站熱搜
留言列表
